36 weeks

36 weeks. I have developed a serious waddle. People have commented on it. My hips and pelvis are under some major pressure. I had yet another ultrasound today and things are looking good. This little dude is no longer breech and my fingers are crossed that he'll stay that way. I'm a couple of centimeters dilated/70% effaced (sorry, TMI?) and well on my way. At least all of the contractions I've been having are doing some decent work. It's all about getting through it, now. You know ... survival mode. 
But yet, I've been reminding myself to take a step back from whining about contractions or feeling exhausted. Just to make sure I'm taking the time to remember this experience. To internalize and process how incredibly cool it all is. To get the chance to be a mom. To carry a tiny fetus and allow it to grow for almost a year inside of your belly and become your newest, tiniest family member. Someone you've never met, a face you've never seen. But a little person you already love so much.
I remember telling Bo not long after Lo was born that, God willing, I wanted to try to do the pregnancy thing one more time. I wanted to feel that baby wriggling inside my ribcage and do it all again, just once more. Of course, we were lucky to get pregnant the first time, let alone a second time – you can't choose or plan these things. But I felt I hadn't said 'goodbye' to child-bearing when I was preggo with Lo, and that has been in my head off and on for the past nine months. This is it, the big goodbye, and I won't be doing this again. It's almost over and I feel like I need to prepare myself for that. That probably sounds really weird and maybe you think I'm off my rocker, but I do believe women kind of go through an acceptance thing when their childbearing days are over and you move on to raise your family. You have to sort of say goodbye to the baby-making. I feel so incredibly lucky and blessed and thankful that I get to do this. Every single day. I know that it's not an easy road for everyone. I don't take it for granted. I'm so happy to have made it this far. And I'm so excited for what's ahead.

14 comments:

  1. YES. most women I know have totally gone through a hard time emotionally when the baby-growing days were over (whether they truly realized it or not). myself included! it's really smart of you to even think of that now and prepare yourself a little.
    you look great and I hope you can really enjoy these last few weeks of being pregnant.

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  2. What a sweet post. Ahhhhhh....you totally made me cry. Thinking of you and yours over the next few weeks. So excited to hear the news.

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  3. You look adorable! Congrats! xo, rv

    http://aneclecticheap.blogspot.com/

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  4. you look wonderful! & yes, enjoy it if you can=)
    xo

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  5. You look beautiful and I loved this post. Thank you so much for sharing and best wishes for an easy delivery.

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  6. pregnancy is a powerful-emotional-spiritual process ... there is definitely a grief when you recognize it will be your last experience. lovely reflections, lovely mama!!

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  7. omg, you are so cute-all belly!!! Only another month, can't wait to see the little dude!!

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  8. You look HOT! And i swear, I go through this daily, thinking of what happens if we don't get to do this again. Your post made me cry. Thank you for sharing with us, Jen.

    PS- I am totally jells of your boots. They are awesome.

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  9. oh man, home stretch! I'm excited for you.

    I totally get the child-bearing days thing. I'm just hoping mine aren't over before they start. With the things in life we have planned, I don't think I'll be having kids for another 8-10 years, which is kind of scary.

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  10. Oh Jen, your post made me cry -- I remember just how you feel, and I too tried to savor every single day of my 2nd and last pregnancy (even to the point of being overdue by a week and not wanting to let go). It's been 8 1/2 years since Cooper was born, and I still mourn the end of my pregnancies. I'm so so so so happy for you and Bo. I'm so glad you get to have a little boy to fall in love with -- and believe me you will -- in a very special but very different way from how you love Lotus -- both awesome, but different. And the big sister -- little brother dynamic absolutely rocks! Thanks for making me cry a little. Love being your Facebook cousin :))))))
    Danielle Escene

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  11. Amazing. I'm so happy for you. It really is an experience to embrace and enjoy. Being pregnant, being one with that baby is such a great feeling. I understand your thoughts on having to say "goodbye" on the baby making part though. My first baby came 9.5 weeks early and I had a tough time for a while after feeling "cheated" on our time together. I'd counted on the more than two months to still have together. Just us two. But alas, it wasn't meant to be. He is now 3 and I also have a 9 month old daughter who only came 6 weeks early, but I was prepared for it. And I too have said goodbye to that part of babies.
    You look amazing... I wish you all the best in your last few weeks.

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  12. Oh congratulations! You look so great in the photos! What an exciting time for you!

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