so, honestly ...

(photo from nirrimi)
Lately, there has been a refreshing dose of 'getting real' around the blogs that I frequent. You know, we're crafty and we share tutorials and take pictures of our feet and everything is sunshine, vintage dresses and washi tape.

I think we all sometimes yearn to share a bit more than that. But it's risky to put yourself out there. You could be setting yourself up for disaster ... ridicule. But when you're already putting so much out there, it doesn't always feel authentic to share anything at all unless you sometimes dish out the bad with the good.

For me, it all started with this post from VeryPurplePerson, a fantastically talented seamstress who lives in Japan. I had never imagined from her beautiful photos, perfect dresses and seemingly lovely life that she had some pretty huge things to confess. I was bowled over by her honesty.

Leigh-Ann totally had me when she started writing out her Odyssey on her blog. I've been skimming through most of the things in my google reader lately, but I stopped dead in my tracks when I read what Leigh-Ann was getting ready to share. She promised to be candid, brave and authentic. I started reading and I was amazed at how much the same we all are. Us girls. We all have a long story behind us, whether it's pretty or pretty horrible or a combination of the two.

And then there's Kara, who we can all agree is wise beyond her years. Her fearless sharing and outpouring of her worries and triumphs and mini-freak outs has held my attention and I've long admired her for not caring whether people thought she was emo or not. Encouraging people to stay positive but to also not be ashamed of the bad stuff? Ummm, okay!

I can be overenthusiastic. It's not fake; I'm just like that. I can also be pretty selfish. And impatient. And stubborn. I'm an over-apologizer. I'm socially awkward. I have major OCD tendencies. And I'm a music snob.

For a long time, I struggled with an eating disorder. This is hard for me to talk about but I know it's okay to share, even if it's just to help someone else know that they're not alone (and that it is possible to make it to the other side.)

When I was younger, I had a hard time being friends with girls. I hung out with the art room kids. I loved marching band. I was nerdy, scrawny, awkward, insecure and usually felt like an outsider. In high school, I won the vote for quietest girl in our class. I think I'm finally growing out of my shyness.

My childhood started off pretty good but then got really hard and complicated ... (but this is too long of a story to share today.)

I'm totally afraid of being a not-good-enough wife and mom. With a not-clean-enough house. But I love my husband and my kid fiercely and hold on tightly to what we've got.

I'm a Christian. And I suck at going to church.

I am not afraid to mess things up. And at the same time, I'm really really afraid to mess things up.

19 comments:

  1. I love the honesty and raw openness of the truth. I love that it is free-ing. For me, it's often hard to write truth- things, the honest, secret things, because I'm often unable to communicate my feelings. When I am, though, it is such a wonderful feeling of freedom. :) I appreciate your honesty. Honesty is so good. :)

    I'll stop 'smiling' now.

    ReplyDelete
  2. your first paragraph truly made me laught out loud. we're so predictable! haha.

    and honesty is good. and you are good. and wonderful.

    the 'not stacking up' feelings hurt. they cut really deep.

    i don't really have any words to say, because as we all know i haven't figured much out in life.

    love you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. There must be something in the air ... I have a few posts in draft covering very similar 'confessional' style things. It's good to see I won't be on my own!

    btw - I ate my lunch in the art room for the last 2 years of school and as for being called 'quiet' ... it's followed me around all my life untilI got online frineds who didn't ever guess ...

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. 'all vintage dresses and washi tape' haha!

    i'm glad you're on this same track. i think it's important, that 'real-ness'.

    i am awkward and over-enthusiastic and shy in real life too. i worry about never being 'good enough' too. i love you a lot.

    pretty sure we'd be best friends if we lived in the same city.
    kxo

    ReplyDelete
  5. Glad I was part of the hard and complicated part of your life and you were part of mine. It has made me a stronger person. I too struggle with the idea of the "not good enough wife and mom" but who says there's a right or wrong anyway! :) Cherishing the memories (like 1000 miles) and sometimes wonder what life would be like now if...

    ReplyDelete
  6. you're one of the best moms i know and an amazing friend to boot. i feel so lucky to have you as a friend...that was awesome of you to share - it's nice to know we're not alone in our feelings of inadequecies. love you!

    ReplyDelete
  7. love this. we're all afraid of something, you know. really. like you mentioned, we're all so similar.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I love the first paragraph. Even though I don't know you personally I admire your craftiness (is that even a word?!) and I love to read your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hey pretty lady - you're a great mom and wife, and you're the best friend a girl could ask for. It was really brave of you to share your story. Hope to spend some time with you soon - hopefully tonight??

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yep, I love the honesty that goes around on blogs, but I'm not too private on the Internet myself. I live with a computer-expert and I know quite a lot about the Internet myself so I can't help but see/think of the danger that comes with sharing honestly... I blur my journaling when it's too private and I try to keep the balance between sharing the good and the bad...

    ReplyDelete
  11. Yess. Love the honesty, lovely. :) I'm totally the quietest girl in my class, still (though class in long since over...). You're awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  12. aw, Jen you're such a great friend, person and mom. I'm so honored to know you and loved this honest post!!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm a Christian too. And I also suck at going to church. And sometimes I'm selfish. And I like this post. A lot.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hi. I just saw this but wanted you to know three things. I read it and love you more for writing it. You are a great mom. Lastly, posts like these make me glad that I have found friends like you on the totally nerdy Internet. Heh. <3

    ReplyDelete
  15. this. sounds. ALOT. like. me!!!
    Thanks for sharing this!
    xo

    ReplyDelete
  16. I just saw this. I know you wrote it a while ago, but I just needed to comment. Hmmm... what to say. I guess just that I like you a whole lot, the good, the bad, and the beautiful. :) xo

    ReplyDelete
  17. Yes!
    I adore your honesty here, such a breath of fresh air!

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for stopping by and saying hi!